Thursday, April 9, 2015

Beware of all the errors, as I'm writing this on my phone. Don't really have time to proof read it, but I thought this could be as real as a "blog" entry can get. 

I don't think I can express enough how excited I am to see Jon Foreman tonight.

It's interesting, having someone's words basically take such a major toll on you, that your whole life changes. 

I was about 17 years old, or just shy of 17. (my years between 15-18 are a blur and I mix all of them up and combine them to 17. I just feel like that's the age I really grew the most and that number sticks out.) Anyway, I was suffering from depression. I was not myself whatsoever. I thought negatively, I began attacking others, I had no confidence, I was bullied, I was cheated on, verbally/physically abused, I didn't care about school, I was failing about everything. I mean I could really keep the list going. I had no faith that life would get better. I met someone one day, and, well, actually, I ironically met two people that day that would change my life in two completely different ways. But we will stick with the first person for this story. I met this person, and he introduced me to Switchfoot. For my birthday, I received every single Switchfoot song, demo, live performance ever. I spent all day listening to their music. Listening to the words, the rhythms, the beats. I went through a crazy Switchfoot phase where my life consisted of seeing them at every local show. Or asking my Dad to take me to San Diego every summer for Bro-Am. Or asking friends to take me to shows, and paid them in left over lunch money. Seeing them (Switchfoot) live is so amazing. For once, I felt like I wasn't alone. All these people together felt exactly what I was feeling. And it was so refreshing. I felt every word, and believed it. I have never felt that with anything before. Something about Jon, and the way he spoke about his lyrics, and what he felt, really woke me up. It changed how I viewed everything. 

I can quite honestly say, Jon Foreman changed my life. And I have met him several times and never really voiced this to him. Although I can say, he is the most humble man I have ever met. Thank you, Jon Foreman. 

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Skirt- Forever 21
Top - Thrift Store
Flannel - Forever 21
Boots - Nordstrom
Fringe Bag- Brandy Melville

Friday, March 20, 2015

And today, I'm doing so. By going on a run, washing my hair, and laying in bed till I fall asleep watching Parenthood. This week has been quite honestly the hardest work week for me ever. I cried. I was nervous. I got anxious. I had major anxiety. I was stressed. And fell asleep at 8:30 almost every night. But I made it! It's Friday, and I'm sitting here blasting my music and dancing around.

Because it's true. We need to celebrate every tiny victory. Don't beat yourself up if maybe instead of running two miles, you ran one. Don't be ashamed that you didn't feel like getting up this morning to clean and will do it tomorrow instead. Take the time for yourself. I have now realized to appreciate your time. That time alone, with you and your thoughts, or enjoying what you want to really just so precious. Your happiness matters first. Within that, celebrate the tough times you achieved. I am one to constantly play the woe-is-me game, and one that will think the world is ending after one thing fails. I'm starting to really understand, take one day at a time. And when you're younger, you feel rushed. You feel like everything needs to be done now, now, NOW. And I'm not saying we should sit around and wait, or expect things to be handed to us, but you'll understand soon enough just how amazing it is, to sit, after working your ass off for a week. The achievements for whatever it is you've done, that you thought was fucking hard, is blissful. You did it!

So tonight, I'm dancing to Walk The Moon (Avalanche, if you're wondering. Listen to it. I'll admit to stop folding my laundry every beat or two so I can twirl around for a bit.) And letting myself snack on some kale chips.

Be proud of who you are. Where you're at in life. What you've done, and what you've achieved. These pieces make you. Be happy. Smile. Spread happiness.

Just really happy today! Life is crazy. We wouldn't have it any other way though. Happy Friday, guys!

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Maybe my thoughts run too much. And maybe I overthink things. I don't use the right words, and I say things incorrectly. I love run-on sentences and I always repeat things. Always. But this is how I write and whether it be college-worthy or not, I love to write.

Now, I've tried this blogging thing for a long time. I've restarted with many things. I am super naive in this world. But I think being able to say what I want and throw it out there is going to help me so much.

I'm about to move out, on my own. My own place. I live alone now, as of November, but this new home will be under my name. My own furniture. My own Wi-Fi, like what? I'm excited to be able to call a place a home. I look forward to it. Especially the decorating! I've learned to be alone, and to many that sounds a bit sad, but it's really not. I loved being independent. Coming home and cooking myself dinner has been the most therapeutic thing for me. Especially knowing you've provided it all on your own. I'm slowly jotting ideas down of what I want things to look like. It's crazy being a grown up. I seriously still feel like I'm at least 17 years old. Mentally. So this is all very strange to me.

Not sure how long I'll be doing this and how often. But I like it that way. Let's not make any promises just yet, let's just...feel this out...